How to Approach People with Disabilities: Respect, Empathy, and Breaking Down Assumptions

Shaila Anjum
Aug 15
3 min read

Approaching someone with a disability can sometimes feel intimidating if you’re unsure what to say or how to act. Whether it’s in social, professional, or casual settings, many people worry about saying the wrong thing or inadvertently offending. The good news? The key is often simpler than you think — respect, curiosity, and listening.

This blog will explore how to approach people with disabilities in a way that honors their autonomy, dignity, and individuality. You’ll learn why assumptions hurt more than help, practical tips to communicate respectfully, and the science behind why this matters.

Understanding the Social Model of Disability

Traditionally, disability was often viewed through a medical lens, focusing on what was “wrong” or “lacking” in a person’s body or mind. However, modern disability studies emphasize the social model, which argues that disability arises largely from societal barriers, not just physical or cognitive differences (Shakespeare, Ndagire, & Seketi, 2021).

For example, a wheelchair user is not disabled by their inability to walk but by inaccessible buildings or attitudes that exclude them. This shift highlights why how we approach people with disabilities matters deeply. It’s not about pity or over-helping — it’s about creating an environment that respects choice and difference.

Why Assumptions Can Hurt

One of the most common mistakes when meeting someone with a disability is assuming what they need or what they can do. For instance, someone might jump in to help without asking, or speak to a companion instead of directly to the person with a disability.

These assumptions can feel invalidating or infantilizing. A person with a disability is the expert on their own experience. Automatically making decisions for them can reinforce harmful stereotypes and reduce their autonomy (Shakespeare et al., 2021).

Practical Tips to Approach with Respect

1. Ask Before You Help

Even if your intentions are good, never assume someone wants or needs help. Try saying, “Would you like some help with that?” or “Is there a way I can assist you?” Then, respect their answer — even if it’s no.

2. Use Person-First Language

Language shapes perception. Person-first language (e.g., “person with a disability”) puts the individual before the disability, emphasizing their humanity over labels. Of course, some people prefer identity-first language (e.g., “disabled person”), so when possible, follow their preference.

3. Communicate Directly

If someone is accompanied by a caregiver or friend, speak to the person directly. This simple habit shows respect and acknowledges their agency.

4. Be Patient and Flexible

Some disabilities affect communication or mobility in subtle ways. Be patient if someone needs extra time to respond or move. Avoid finishing sentences for them or rushing interactions.

Real-Life Examples

Example 1: You see a person using a cane struggling to open a heavy door. Instead of grabbing the door or rushing to help, ask: “Would you like me to hold the door open for you?” This respects their independence and gives them choice.
Example 2: You’re in a meeting with a colleague who has a speech disability. Instead of speaking for them or interrupting, give them space and listen carefully. Eye contact and a friendly demeanor show you value their contribution.
Example 3: A friend with autism shares that crowded parties overwhelm them. Respecting their boundaries means not pressuring them to attend or judging them for needing downtime.

Why It Matters: The Science Behind Respectful Approaches

Research shows that respectful social interactions improve mental health and inclusion for people with disabilities (Shakespeare et al., 2021). When society moves away from pity or fear and towards understanding and empowerment, it reduces stigma and promotes well-being.

This aligns with the broader human right to dignity and participation. Disability advocacy groups emphasize that respect and accessibility are not acts of charity but fundamental rights.

What You Can Do Today

Practice asking before helping in your daily life.
Reflect on your language — does it put people first?
Listen more than you speak when someone shares about their disability.
Challenge stereotypes you encounter in media or conversations.

Conclusion

Approaching people with disabilities with respect and empathy isn’t complicated — it’s about recognizing their humanity and autonomy. By dropping assumptions and opening up to learning, you foster genuine connection and help build a more inclusive world.

Remember, every person’s experience is unique. When in doubt, the best approach is to ask and listen.

References:

Shakespeare, T., Ndagire, F., & Seketi, Q. E. (2021). The social model of disability: An outdated ideology? Research in Developmental Disabilities, 109, 103849. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ridd.2020.103849