Understanding Trauma, Healing, and How to Support Others with Empathy

Shaila Anjum
Aug 22
4 min read

Trauma is an experience that touches many people, often silently. Whether it’s from a sudden event, ongoing adversity, or complex emotional wounds, trauma impacts the brain, body, and relationships. But healing is possible, and understanding trauma can transform how we support ourselves and others.

This post explores what trauma is, how it shows up in everyday life, why silence or avoidance might be a natural response, and how you can approach people with trauma with empathy and care.

What Is Trauma? More Than Just a Moment

Trauma refers to an experience or series of events that overwhelm a person’s ability to cope, leading to lasting emotional, psychological, or physical effects (van der Kolk, 2019). Trauma can be:

Acute: A single event, like an accident or assault.
Chronic: Repeated exposure, such as ongoing abuse or neglect.
Complex: Trauma experienced in early life or from multiple sources, affecting development and relationships.

Trauma impacts the brain’s stress response, often leading to hypervigilance, emotional numbness, or flashbacks. These are not signs of weakness but survival mechanisms (van der Kolk, 2019).

Why Silence or Withdrawal Is a Natural Response

When someone experiences trauma, they might become silent, avoid certain topics, or withdraw from social interactions. This can be confusing for friends or family who want to help but don’t understand why the person “won’t talk.”

According to Siegel (2020), silence can be a protective space—a way the brain tries to regulate overwhelming emotions. Pushing someone to “just talk about it” can sometimes retraumatize them or make them feel unsafe.

How to Approach Conversations About Trauma

1. Respect Boundaries and Timing

Before diving into heavy topics, ask if it’s okay to talk about something sensitive. For example: “I want to check in with you — is it alright if I ask how you’re doing with what happened?”

2. Use Content Warnings or Check-Ins

If you’re going to discuss potentially triggering subjects, give a heads-up. This allows the person to prepare mentally or opt out.

3. Validate, Don’t Push

Instead of insisting on details, say things like: “I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready,” or “It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.”

Understanding Triggers and How to Respond

Triggers are cues—sounds, smells, images, or situations—that remind a person of trauma and cause intense emotional or physical reactions. Everyone’s triggers are unique.

Van der Kolk (2019) explains that being mindful of triggers and offering choice about engagement can reduce distress. For example, if you’re with a friend and notice they’re uncomfortable, you can gently ask, “Would you like to step outside or take a break?”

The Role of Empathy and Listening

Empathy means trying to understand another’s experience without judgment or the need to fix things immediately. Brown (2021) highlights that being fully present—listening without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice—can be profoundly healing.

This doesn’t mean you have to “solve” trauma. Sometimes, your presence and validation are the greatest gifts.

Healing Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Recovery from trauma looks different for everyone. It can include therapy, mindfulness, body-based practices, or creative outlets. But the path is rarely linear — there are good days and hard days.

Siegel (2020) emphasizes the brain-body connection in healing: trauma isn’t just in the mind but stored physically. Techniques that involve breathing, movement, or grounding can help release trauma and foster safety.

Practical Ways to Support Someone with Trauma

Try it—how to offer support:

Practice active listening: Reflect back what you hear to show understanding.
Create safe spaces: Whether physical or emotional, make sure your interactions feel secure and free from judgment.
Offer choice: Empower the person by letting them control what and when they share.

Check in regularly: Small messages like “Thinking of you today” show ongoing care without pressure.

When You Notice Signs of Trauma

Sometimes people don’t openly share their trauma but display signs like irritability, emotional numbness, or self-harm scars. Approach with kindness:

Avoid staring or making comments about scars or behaviors.
If appropriate, gently ask, “I want you to know I care—if you ever want to talk or need support, I’m here.”

Respect their pace and privacy.

Why We Need to Talk More Openly About Trauma

Despite how common trauma is, stigma and silence still surround it. Promoting education and empathy can reduce shame and help more people access support.

Community and connection are powerful tools against isolation. When we show up with curiosity and compassion, we contribute to healing — both for others and ourselves.

Interactive Reflection

Think of a time when someone listened to you without judgment. How did it feel?
Have you ever felt triggered and wished people understood what you needed?
What small acts of kindness could you offer someone who might be struggling?

Conclusion

Trauma shapes lives in profound ways but doesn’t define them. Approaching trauma with patience, respect, and empathy fosters healing and connection. Whether you’re supporting a loved one or yourself, remember: it’s okay to move at your own pace, seek help, and prioritize safety.

By learning more about trauma, triggers, and sensitive communication, we create space for deeper understanding and kindness in a world that needs both.

References:

Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.

Siegel, D. J. (2020). The interpersonal neurobiology of empathy. W. W. Norton & Company. van der Kolk, B. A. (2019). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma (Updated edition). Penguin Books.